Life’s philosophy

I’ve so much to say to you, about life, of hows and whys

Of philosophy and science, of love… and dragonflies.

Explaining the illusions we’re all so caught up in,

And how Beloved — there is no such thing as sin.

It’s all about the understanding, between birth and death

And how everything just falls in place drawing one’s last breath.

Thank you for reading.

💞 Pam

My heart and soul hurts

Hi everyone, hope you all have a good and happy holiday season. This will be my last post for a while.

Thank you and I’m eternally grateful and blessed for all of you in my life.

I was asked why I’m so private. Well I shouldn’t have to explain myself but here is part of that reason. Those of you who have known me for 5-6yrs knows why. At a young age of about 10 or so, I lost my mom to a brain aneurysm. She was in a coma for about 4 months. Then a day before her birthday and 2-3 days before Christmas, I gave my mom back to God cause God needed my mom more than my brother and I did.

The holidays are always extremely hard for both of us but mostly for me. I’m an emotional and eternal wreck. A girl needs her mom with her through the growing pains and heartaches cause she’s the only one who could make her feel all better. I envied girls who would have lunch, go shopping, talk to or simply just see pics of them with their parents. My heart breaks everytime.

I guess that’s why I went into NICU nursing to toughen me up but it failed cause it made me weaker to see the tiniest human being born and its in your hands to help them fight and live. That alone takes a toll in your heart and soul. I’ve pushed people away all cause it’s a defense mechanism I have. Then your told your evil, or an burden just tares you apart. Now with my headaches I don’t want to be a burden or be troublesome to the people I love and care about most.

The following week will be the hardest since it’s my nephew birthday, my mom birthday and then Christmas ( which I’ll be celebrating at the cemetery). I was given a somewhat ultimatum by a guy I’ve been talking to Oz and he said either I start video calls and make it work or we go our separate ways. Video calls have been an really bad experience with me and something I am not comfortable with. Why do something you aren’t ready for.

With that said I’m taking a break from social media (if you need to talk to me, you know where you can reach me) to find my happiness and peace with everything…If you want block/unfollow/unfriend me, I totally understand. Thank you for understanding and for taking time to read this.

Thank you for reading.

💞 Pam